


Amnesia

by BoiLemmeDoMe



Series: Tales From Zaron [1]
Category: South Park
Genre: Anal, Angst, Character Death, Double Penetration, Fucked Up Characters, Gang Rape, Gas Lighting, M/M, Manipulation, Memory Loss, Mind Break, Oral, Toxic Relationships, Vore, dubcon, everyone is 18+, fucked up shit happens and people respond in fucked up ways. There's no deeper message, lots of non-con, mentally fucking over, seriously if you get triggered easily please do not read this, some people really need to take a hint-, suicidal ideations, this fic is not trying to glorify or demonize the fucked up shit that happens within
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:21:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22263277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoiLemmeDoMe/pseuds/BoiLemmeDoMe
Summary: Strange lands and stranger people,Kind souls and monsters unseenThe young man hadn't a clue who could play what role, and all the same tries finding help in the most unlikely people.
Relationships: Clyde Donovan/Craig Tucker, Kevin McCormick/Craig Tucker, Leopold "Butters" Stotch/Craig Tucker
Series: Tales From Zaron [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1602604
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is not trying to glorify or demonize the fucked up shit that happens within, fucked up shit happens and people respond in fucked up ways. There's no deeper message.

Yelling, armour clanging with harsh movements and harsh foot falls.

_ Where am I? _

Trees, lots of trees around him as his legs propelled him forward. Towering shadows among a million-- _ painful obstacles slicing into his skin as he ran _ \-- trees seemingly with no end. Unsure of where he was going, let alone why he was even running -- _ he needed to run _ \-- fearful desperation screamed to push his limbs past their burning exhaustion.

Did he do something wrong? 

...who was chasing him?

His heart was racing and his body was moving of its own accord. Muscle memory along guiding him through the foliage and away from his stalkers--away but to what…?

He couldn’t continue. His heart begged him to run more--the sound of pursuit waxing and waning like the moon taunting him from its safety above danger.

It only took that much--a glance to the light of the moon-- for his feet to betray him.

The petite male stumbled, tumbling down a hill side and into the underbrush. His heart slammed into his chest--terror taking hold as the pain from his fall intermixed with the agony he already felt. Every leaf and rock and twig now his enemy as he knew his only chance at survival was to remain undetected.

Just above he could hear the sounds of pursuits, the voices of those who hunted him and the light from their lanterns.

He looked to the moon again, the crescent shape offering him no comfort or solace but he centered himself around it. Wrapping his breathing around its shape, using it’s ever motionless visage as his goal.

It struck him as strangely familiar, despite every memory lost on him, the idea of being as still and quiet as the moon gave him the serenity he needed.

Remaining as still and quiet as he could in hopes of the strangers leaving without an issue.

Gradually the sound of people searching for him died down, causing the exhausted man to relax. Every burning muscle numbing behind the spots in his vision.

Fatigue hit him like a heavy blow as he laid limp in the underbrush. 

_ Where am I…? _

The thought was overshadowed with the following one.

_ ….who am I…? _

The exhaustion finally stole his consciousness and he disappeared into it.

Unbeknownst to him, the torches of his pursuers moved towards the nearby village. Not that the slum could really be called a village with a straight face but it was referred to as one nonetheless.

Hovels made of straw with cowering inhabitants. The soldiers marched through the narrow road dividing neighbors, poking invasively into each hovel and demanding answers from residents.

Kevin awoke to the sound of the guards. They rarely bothered in areas like these, hearing their boots brought a special fear inside of him.

Despite his size, Kevin was a timid man. He avoided conflict whenever possible. A simple peasant living alone in the normally undisturbed slum.

The first cry of fear made the cold dread of the unknown jolt through him.

But what really got him out of bed was the sound of his home being entered. "Hello?" He called, hunching over as the armed guards glared up at him.

The first guard looked at the peasant as though he was like any other street rat as he held up a wanted poster. If Kevin’s height alarmed him, he didn’t show it. His companion on the other hand eyed Kevin with caution.

“Have you seen this man?" His voice held a real threat, a companion behind him fingering the hilt of his sword.

Kevin took in the sight of the poster, recognition instantly filling him. Still, he shook his head, lying. "Not in person..." He said, hoping he wasn't seen through.

The guard sized the male up before huffing in agitation. "If you do, get a guard, we don't need anyone getting hurt." The threat was left hanging behind him as he left.

Kevin slumped when they’d moved on, listening to the sounds of his neighbors waking to the same dread.

He couldn’t calm himself though. The illustrated face all to familiar.

Worry spiked through Kevin relentlessly, terrified that something had happened to him. Why were the guards searching here…? Why did they look so determined…?

“...Feldspar…” The name came out as barely a whisper, fear and emotion chaining him in place while paradoxically urging him forward.

He listened as each of his neighbors were woken and interrogated, as the guards’ agitation grew and the sounds of people being beaten--but despite the grunts and cries, he didn’t hear the sound of metal and flesh.

A single relief amongst the dread.

Carefully, when the guards seemed to have left, he left his hovel. Eyes scanning the village for the injured, for more threats, but the denizens of the tiny slum had each retreated to their homes to lick their wounds and recover.

Kevin hardly allowed himself to breathe as he left his own safety, into the forest and searching for any sign of the thief.

Without really meaning to he began towards their spot--the tree where they’d met near the lake-- he didn’t make it that far before his eyes adjusted to the moonlight and he caught sight of something.

Broken twigs and foot prints, damaged foliage and a trace of blood. It could easily be the guards footsteps. It made all the more sense to belong to the guards.

He moved without hesitation, following the panicked trail until it’s end at the side of a slope.

His heart stopped in his chest.

The faint outline of someone unconscious laid at the base of the hill.

His feet moved before his mind, half tumbling and half running down the hill, falling to his knees at the bottom and checking for signs of life.

“Please… please god please…” Desperation carried in his tone, fingers shaking as he finally felt the injured mans staccato breath.

It felt like he’d regained breath just knowing there was still life in the battered thief’s body.

For who knows how long though...?

Worry singing it’s horrible balled in his heart, Kevin gingerly lifted up the thief. It was challenging to carry him up the hill, careful not to jostle any injuries but just the feel of Feldpar’s warmth against him brought him comfort.

Still warm.

Still breathing.

Still alive.

He hardly remembered the rest of his way home. Bringing him inside and laying him on the bed. The dim light of the moon no longer his assistant but he didn’t dare light a candle--for fear the guards would return.

Kevin felt the prone body for injuries and found the wet sticky blood all too easy.

“Hold on…” He whispered, voice pained and small, as he gently stripped him to find any hidden injuries.

The man was covered in scars, old and new. Even without his eyes adjusting to the darkness, Kevin had the painful patterns memorized.

Fresh injuries were still bleeding while bruising could be seen developing elsewhere. Kevin grit his teeth, using the fresh water he’d brought from the well earlier to clean what he could.

The most worrying however would have to be a large burn in the man's side. No doubt done by a spellcaster.

Kevin winced at the sight, he'd seen some of it before but it didn't make it any less horrible. He quickly set to work on dressing the injuries, careful to make it as painless as possible.

"...please be okay..." He said quietly as he worked, what little he had to offer seeming not nearly enough to dress the extent of these injuries.

In a moment's weakness, he glanced at the pale profile, checking for signs of life, for breathing. The man was as still as the dead and if not for the uneven breathing, Kevin would think he was too late. Without meaning to he reached out, stroking Feldspar's cheek. “Please…”

The thief winced, whimpering in his unconscious state but otherwise didn't stir as the man worked. The light comforting touches helping him stay at ease even in his sleep. His face scrunched up from the pain his body endured.

Kevin finished patching him up, looking over the bandages to make sure he didn't miss anything before sitting on the bed next to the slender thief, gently brushing a hair from his face. "What did they do to you...?"

Feldspar leaned into the giant of a man's touch, gradually stirring awake before deep blue eyes met the others lighter ones. Confusion evident in them as he tried to sit up, only to bite back a cry of pain as he laid back down.

"Don't get up." Kevin said, voice pitched with worry. "You're hurt. Don't worry, you're safe. They're gone."

"Who--?" His voice came out scratchy, dry and hoarse from gods know what. Still his questions picked up in pace and urgency. "Where am I? Who the hell are you?" His usually cold eyes displayed fear and confusion as he looked at the other.

Kevin's eyes widened in shock--it was such an expression on Feldspars normally impassive face.

It was such a shock the words didn’t immediately register and when they did, he couldn't doubt them.

"You don't remember...?" He asked, voice hesitant and soft as he began fussing over theif’s head for previously undetected injuries. There was no sign of dried blood but he checked for bruising and fractures/

Bewilderment filled Feldspar’s face, wincing and letting out a whimper as the other touched a wound on the side of his head. Kevin brushed aside his hair to assess the bruise as the noirette spoke.

"Remember what...?"

That brought Kevin pause. Fingers still and heart threatening to damage his ribcage with its incessant slams.

"I--” He stopped, unable to find the words. “...we..."

It struck Kevin that there was an odd opportunity in this moment. Feldspar could believe anything he said--he'd have to--Kevin could… say anything…

Emotions fought one another within his hesitation, staging a war to win the day. What to tell the frail injured man.

It was enough to make him lose his breath.

He looked away from Feldspar as the internal battle of truth or lies came to an end.

The decision weighing heavily as he finally spoke.

"Your name is Feldspar." He said, voice soft with a strange emotion.

The name was familiar, soft and faint in the recesses of his mind.

"Who are you? Who are you to me?" If the other knew his name perhaps he knew more. Hope shined in his eyes as he looked to the brunette male.

"Kevin." He said, in the same soft voice. "We're... acquaintances. We met a few weeks ago by accident."

Feldspar nodded, allowing the information to sink in.

That didn't answer why the man was trying to help him though. He racked his brain for anything --even the smallest memory-- and found nothing, leaving him frustrated.

"Are you hungry?" Kevin asked, brushing some hair from Feldspar’s face like it was the most natural thing in the world. "I can make you some soup or something."

Feldspar nodded softly, he'd probably do better with something in his stomach. Hopefully this wouldn't last long.

Kevin didn't go far to cook--the hovel was really only one room. He started up a fire while trying not to think about the man on his bed.

Allowing himself to be buried by the covers given to him, Feldspar closed his eyes as he took in the familiar scent.

The realization that it was indeed familiar eased some of the fear.

...but just what kind of person was Kevin?

"Do you remember anything?" Kevin asked finally as he brought over the soup. Presenting it to Feldspar with a pained smile.

Feldspar looked up from he spot in the blankets when Kevin returned, a faint blush on his face due to embarrassment. "I know this place feels familiar, cozy. Not much else though."

Kevin nodded, feeling a slight swell of emotion that Feldspar felt that away about his hovel.

He'd never said anything like that before...

"That's okay." He took a seat next to Feldspar, holding up a spoon to feed the injured man unthinkingly. "You can stay here until you recover... if that's what you want."

The petite male slowly sat up, leaning into Kevin as he did so. The tinge of pink from embarrassment dying down as he allowed the man to feed him. "I don't think I'd last in my current state… thank you."

Kevin was visibly relieved at Feldspars decision, tension leaving his shoulders as he kept feeding him. Slowly and patiently taking care of him--resisting the urge to pull the smaller man into his lap and hold him gently.

With the soup finished the small thief stayed against the other, closing his eyes as he enjoyed the feeling of a full stomach. When was the last he ate..? He supposed that didn't matter, for now he needed to heal and figure out just who he even was.

"You should get some rest." Kevin said, suddenly pulling away, careful not to jostle Feldspars injuries as he did. "You can use the bed as long as you'd like." He busied himself with placing the dirty dish with a pile to be washed by the stream later, unable to look towards where Feldspar was on the bed.

The gentle rays of moonlight peeked into the hovel but the small fire Kevin had built to warm the soup was the primary source of light. Kevin knew he should put it out but it was a welcome distraction from all he didn’t want to think about.

The smaller man furrowed his brows, not understanding why the other couldn't bring himself to look at him. "I shouldn't take up your bed, you need somewhere to sleep after all."

Kevin sent him an affectionate smile but it was edged with pain. "Don't worry about me. I can sleep on the ground."

Huffing slightly, blue eyes narrowed at the Kevin’s hunched form. The large man looked oddly small. Huddled as far away from Feldspar as the confined space would allow. Eyes downcast.

It was a painful sight.

Feldpar’s frown deepened. "Did I stutter?" 

Kevin stood up but only because he’d finished putting out the flames, eyes averted and showing no intention to return to the bed. “I’m really alright…” It was strange how such a large man had such a soft voice.

Feldspar knew if he really wanted to he could get up. His body ached and the mere idea of leaving his limited comfort was painful... but he needed to make a point. This Kevin wasn’t  _ listening _ to what he was saying.

And the mere idea of stealing the kind giants bed did not sit well with him.

With a pained grunt he forced himself to his feet. Standing up to the others chest but regardless using the man's collar to pull him to his height. Eyes piercing into Kevin’s startled ones with severity.

"You need to care for yourself before you care for me."

Alright he didn't know where that came from, bewildered by himself and his actions. His voice was monotone, demanding respect and compliance. The only sign of the petite males confusion being in his eyes.

Kevin's eyes softened--although he looked as though he might cry--and he caressed Feldspar's cheek gently without really meaning to.

"Okay, you win." He said, voice sweet and nostalgic. "I'll sleep on the bed if you share it with me--you need to rest or your injuries won't heal. Please..." He said, eyes as pitiful as a stray dog searching for affection.

Feldspar nodded in agreement to the deal, gently wrapping his arms around the strangers neck and snuggling into him as though it was second nature. "What's wrong?"

He was in too much pain to fight the impulse. And Kevin was warm, the source of the pleasantly nostalgic smell… it was easy to melt against him.

Kevin stiffened--gulping at the show of affection. The concern in Feldpar’s voice.

It was too much.

He shook his head, hoping to hide his thoughts and gently scooping Feldpar back up, depositing them both onto the bed and pulling the meager blankets over them. "It's nothing... I'm just worried about you." He said, a twist of guilt in his face as he looked away from the man.

The smaller male furrowed his brows, worry for the other mounting as he continued to hold him. Calloused hands running along Kevin's back with a small sigh leaving him, it was clear the other was upset. He knew he couldn't force it out of him though. "If there’s something wrong, you should tell me."

Kevin gave him a soft look, shaking his head. "Focus on healing. Don't worry about me--you'll... you'll understand when your memories come back." He hugged him gently, sadly. "I'm sorry about this." Sorrow danced a duet in his words.

"It's not your fault." Feldspar said softly, yawning as he leaned into the others touch, craving it as he grew groggy. He was worried, just what was he to this person? Why did he care so much? Why was this stranger so worried if they had only met a few weeks prior to this?

Kevin hid an agonized smile into Feldspar’s hair, hugging the noirette to him--like it would be his last opportunity to do so--before closing his eyes and trying to get some sleep.

The heavy thoughts weighing down the pair of them only caused them to sink faster into a dreamless sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Kevin awoke to the familiar warmth of Feldspar's body against his--the man having predictably crawled most of the way onto his chest in their sleep.

It hurt. Knowing. He realized he'd have to tell Feldspar--it wasn't right to keep it to himself.

But he didn't know if he could bare to say it.

The weight of the truth far greater than any haul in from the woods yet at the same time more important. Someday- at any unpredictable moment this confused man in his arms could remember  _ everything _ . Know how weak he was for not just saying the truth of their relationship, know of why he would be repulsed by the mere thought of Kevin touching him in such a weakened state.

With the light rays of the morning ugly peeking into the hut Feldspar didn't know when it was that he woke, all he knew was that he didn't want to move. The hedonist in him tempted to remain curled against the man holding him and not give a care about the world around him.

However logic took over, reminding him of the fact he had no recollection of just where he was, with an unknown person holding him as though he was made of the finest porcelain.

Slowly blue eyes cracked open just a sliver, if only to confirm that it was indeed the very man he encountered hours ago that held him so tenderly. The only person he knew, the only person who could be trusted with what's transpired. The man didn't really have anyone else after all. The vulnerability of his condition a fear on its own -- if Kevin so chose to take advantage of his frail being he could have done so, all the way back to when he first laid eyes on the kind man.

"Are you feeling okay?" Kevin asked when he noticed the thief waking up, his hands ghosting over Feldspar's body for any sign his wounds had been exacerbated in the night. Worried that he had held the man too tight in his slumbering state or worse yet, had jostled the small male to the point of reopening any of the bandaged wounds.

With a sleepy nod and a wince Feldspar allowed Kevin’s touch to ghost over his form, a pained grunt escaping the fatigued man when a wound was prodded into too firmly for his body’s liking. Yet other than the burn the rest of his injuries were healing up as they should. Such a disheartening effect with magic invoked injuries, no less if done with a hex or something of equivalence directed.

With the check up out of the way the blue eyed male had opened his eyes further, the action causing him to huff slightly as he took note of the sunlight in the hut. Feldspar buried his face in the others chest to block it out, too tired mentally or physically to acknowledge any awkward feelings on the matter. Not in the slightest feeling awake enough to deal with what might the day bring either of them.

"Still not a morning person." Kevin commented with a chuckle, rubbing circles into the undamaged part of petite male's back. "It's okay, we don't have to get up."

Practically melting into Kevin as the man rubbed his back, a content sigh left the noirette as he smiled softly. Aside from not knowing anything about himself, let alone those around him, he could get used to waking up like this. Someone holding him gently, caring for him. It was soft--nice.

Despite all the memories he didn’t have, there was something distinctly familiar about the feel of Kevin’s arms. Something in the way the gentle giant looked at him fondly that made his heart clench--Feldspar felt a happiness he couldn’t quite describe and he was loathe to let go of.

It was strange. In his actual memories all he had was an evening but in his heart he felt trust and relief. He wanted good things for this man.

He wanted to lie here with him peacefully.

The gentle silence filled the hovel as the two lay in content silence, cuddled up against one another without a care for the world outside.

Perhaps things would have been different for them if they hadn’t stolen this moment together.

Who could really say what makes the machinations of fate twist their vicious coils around the unsuspecting. Though despite the peaceful happiness Feldspar experienced, an internal conflict was occurring only one heart away.

_ This is cruel--and selfish--  _ Kevin hated himself but the words he should say died in his throat.

Feldspar would hate him when he remembered everything--hate him for taking advantage of the moment, hate him for being too weak to say anything--but Kevin couldn't say a word.

He just  _ couldn't _ .

"Thanks... for everything." Feldspar said after a moment to allow himself to wake up more, not moving from his spot however. " If there's something I can do in return, don't hesitate to let me know. "

Simply accepting such care and giving nothing in turn wasn’t something the young man felt right in doing. Even if it meant doing a mundane task to make up for the time taken to care for him Feldspar was willing to lend a hand once he was able. 

"You shouldn't thank me..." Kevin said guiltily. "If anything, I owe you."

Looking up at the male in confusion the other tilted his head to the side, just how could this man owe him? The only thing that could come to mind being something outside his memories.

"How?"

That--was a hard question to answer. Kevin looked away, trying to avoid looking at or touching Feldspar--a difficult task considering the thief was nestled on his chest. It was already a challenge not to acknowledge the truth that stole his thoughts and left him ashamed.

"You helped me." He said, vaguely. "Before you lost your memory. You helped me and I never was able to pay you back."

Pursing his lips Feldspar nodded, that was an understandable reason to owe someone. Yet it didn't feel like the whole story.

"What did I do...? Were you hurt?" His curiosity was getting the worst of him, but it wasn't as though he could hold back. He wanted to know what was going on, why this man cared so much about him if they were only acquaintances, his actions down to how carefully he held Feldspar close conflicting with the idea of the two of them knowing very little of the other .

It didn’t add up as it should, either that or this person was far more caring than a stranger should be.

_ 'I should tell him. He'll hate me but I shouldn't keep him in the dark...' _

Still, the words died in Kevin's throat and he found a spot on the ceiling to speak at as he tried to convey everything. The thought of bringing on the negative reaction--the  _ justified _ reaction making his throat tight. It was selfish to hold onto such information and deny himself from accepting that doing so would lead to this person in his arms hating him far more for doing so. 

"You were kind." He said, slowly, it was true. A bit of truth that could be swallowed and accepted with some peace of mind. "I was alone and you showed me kindness."

_ Kindness and pity... _ his heart sank at the recollection. The other half of the story nearly dying on his lips as it had during his last attempt.

"But I wasn't able to help you with what you needed." Kevin said, smiling sardonically, hope above hope that maybe this time he could at least give Feldspar a semblance of what he needed. "And I really wanted to pay you back... so I'm glad to have that opportunity now--but I don't think you'll be happy with me when you regain your memory."

Feldspar only grew more confused, why the hell would he not be appreciative of Kevin's help?

"Then that version of me can go suck one. You're helping me--nursing me to health. If he couldn't bite his pride and be grateful then," He felt hesitant for just a moment, his chest clenching. “I didn't deserve your kindness. "

Kevin shook his head, sitting up and taking the other with him, caressing his cheek gently. "Don't say that. It wasn't like that. He... you didn't do anything wrong." He smiled painfully. "It couldn't be helped..."

"How? How are his--my actions justified if it just hurt you? Let alone others?" Feldspar was frustrated by the image that was himself so far. Did he really hurt such a sweet man?

"I never said you hurt me..." Kevin said, evasively looking away--his first real dishonesty.

"You never said I didn't." Feldspar persisted, holding Kevin's face to force his eyes on him. "You're too kind to put up with that kind of shit. Do you fucking hear me?"

If pressed, Feldspar wouldn’t be able to say why he felt so passionately about it. Why his eyes blazed with conviction or why he was so confident that Kevin needed to stand up for himself more.

All he knew was that he believed it with every fiber of his being. He  _ knew _ that Kevin shouldn’t take shit--not even from him--

_ \--especially from him-- _

That he wanted Kevin to be safe. To take care of himself.

Kevin lowered his gaze. "I'm not kind…” Guilt ate away at the all the little lies by ommission he’d already told. “I chose not to tell you… about us... because I didn't want you to leave..." it hurt to admit, his own selfish motives for concealing what little of Feldspars past he knew from him. “...I’m selfish…”

"What in the living hell would make me leave?" Feldspar raised a brow, his head hurting as his confusion mounted. Couldn't this man just be blunt with him?

Kevin pulled away from the embrace, putting an end to the tenderness found there. The air chilled as the warmth of a pair became two silent individuals.

“I… I’m going to get some water from the lake.” Kevin excused himself, leaving quiet and pain in his wake.

The exhaustion from his injuries was a good reason that Feldspar didn’t try to stop him. It would be true as well, the thief’s body ached everywhere that could ache. The dull throb in his elbow in particular was a pain he couldn’t quite name.

Bruised and battered and alone--if the giant had even an ounce of sense he wouldn’t have left.

Then again it did provide Feldspar with the space to think away from the halestorm of emotions.

The honest truth was that  _ something _ about the giant left his thoughts spiraling behind those emotions and it got pretty hard to think clearly when he was running on instincts.

The early afternoon sun poured in through what would be called a window anywhere else, but for the hovel it was more accurately described as a crack in the wall.

Feldspar watched the sunlight dance against the ground with a thoughtful frown. Listening to the sounds of a small village outside, the occasional child laughing or bits of conversations filtering inside.

He needed to prioritize his situation.

A name was a good start but he still hadn’t the foggiest idea who he was. And while his emotions might have clung to his rescuer like a chick imprinting on its mother, the fact was that the man was keeping things from him.

He willed himself to feel the righteous indignation that he should over such an affront but the result was lackluster.

Was he simply the sort who couldn’t hold a grudge? Or was it just the exhaustion that made it so hard?

Regardless he’d have to find a shred of determination to force the matter.

_ I want to know what he is to me _ … Feldspar frowned, turning over and wincing as the movement caused him to remember the pain.

By the time Kevin had returned to his hovel, he was greeted by sharp gasps of pain. Feldspar was curled in on himself with an expression of agony.

“Feldspar--” He rushed over, kneeling at the bedside and examining his injuries. Feldspar opened an eye and as fast as a snake, his hand took hold of Kevin’s collar, forcing his face a mere inch from his own.

“You’re going to tell me everything you know.” He hissed out. “Why would I hate you for helping me.  _ Explain _ .”

“But--” Kevin protested.

“ _ No buts _ . Out with it, Kevin.”

Maybe Feldspar had taken advantage of his condition. Maybe he’d jostled his own injuries. Maybe he’d cheated to force answers out of the man.

There was no way of telling. No one was to witness those moments alone in the tiny home and Kevin was not the suspicious sort. And Feldspar certainly wouldn’t admit it.

Still… a bit of guilt churned inside of him at the sight of Kevin’s expression. Worry melting into fear and then, finally, defeat.

_ It’s time to give up. _

Kevin kept his gaze down, looking much smaller as he spoke. His voice was barely a whisper but in the hovel, it might as well have been a shout.

"You were kind…” he began, wincing at the sound of the sound of his own voice and lapsing back into silence.

Feldspar prompted him with a grunt.

It was impossibly hard to find the words. Kevin kept his eyes on the ground beneath them, trying to derive comfort from it.

If only he could talk to the tiny spot on the ground. It would be so much easier than forcing these words out again.

To find rejection again.

“I--I... I fell in love with you…” He choked on the words, not daring to look back up to examine Feldspar’s reaction. He couldn’t, not again.

_ He deserves to know... _

“...you didn't feel the same…” A lump built in his throat as the words were painfully dragged out. “You wouldn't want me… to be touching you. You were clear about that..."

Silence followed his words, Kevin unable to come up with anything further and Feldspar digesting the information.

The thief furrowed his brows,  _ why wouldn't I want this him? _ It clashed with every feeling he’d experienced since the giant had rescued him.

The touches had made him happy--and yet--Kevin looked so guilty.

Was there a reason Feldspar had rejected this man? What wasn’t he remembering?

The brunette let out a shaky breath as he gathered his words and Feldspar clenched his mouth shut.

_ The fuck kind of idiot am I? _

He cut off Kevin’s words before he found them. "And am I pushing you away? Demanding for you to let me go?"

Kevin looked up, blue orbs swimming with self-condemnation. "You were very clear.” He said, honest and pained. “You--you might be okay now, but when you remember you'll be mad... I--I'm not supposed to touch you anymore."

It was strange to dislike himself so much for a decision he didn’t remember making.

Feldspar knew, logically, he had likely rejected this man for a good reason.

But he couldn’t help but resent the person who’d made Kevin look so small and helpless.

“Hold me.”

Kevin’s eyes widened, opening his mouth in protest.

“I know what you said I said.” Feldspar rolled his eyes. “Listen to what I’m saying  _ now _ .”

“You’re hurt… and I don’t want to hurt you…”

"Then for now, shush. I want you to hold me. I want to enjoy being this close to you." Pouting slightly the confused male was more than a touch miffed at his past self, wishing he could just remember so things wouldn't be so complicated.

As much as he wanted answers, the conversation was giving him a headache and he wanted to recapture the peace he’d woken up to.

Kevin cupped his face, running his calloused thumb across Feldspar's lips. It was surreal--a chance he wouldn't be able to repeat. Still--Feldspar hadn't yet remembered and so--it was like they had gone back in time back to the first days.

The days where he’d thought maybe, just maybe, this beautiful man could be his.

Kevin felt horrible for wishing the man's memories would just stay gone.

"As you wish." He said softly, climbing back onto the bed and pulling his guest into a shuddering hug, trembling as he held the man against him.

Feldspar relaxed into Kevin, trying to conceal the warmth growing on his face. That same content feeling swimming inside of him, alighting at every place Kevin’s skin connected with his.

It startled him how happy he felt.

_ This man loves me… _ his heartbeat accelerated and he hid a giddy smile into a broad shoulder.  _ He loves me. _

The pain of his injuries still stomped along his spine and spiked at his injuries--and still… the feel of affection and gentle touches… it all felt inconsequential.

For a moment he didn’t care if he ever remembered who he was if he could just remain in Kevin’s arms.

_ Why did I reject him…? _

It was troubling. There had to be a good reason… but in this moment he couldn’t find one.

Feldspar chose instead to embrace his hedonism and ignore those troubling thoughts, wishing to just enjoy the affection he was getting. "If I want you to stop I'll say so, understood?"

Kevin nodded, hiding his face in other man's hair and holding him like it would be the last time.

_ It could be. _

Even if Feldspar's memories didn't return, he'd soon realize what he'd realized last time--he didn't love Kevin. Feldspar didn't want Kevin--it was all just kindness and pity and Kevin had let it get to his head.

The two held one another, hiding pain in momentary comfort. A fleeting moment of happiness, topped with an inescapable anxiety.

Weakness and fear are what sent a shudder down Kevin’s spine. Affection and hope caused the hiccup. And when the first tear ran down his cheek, it was futility and loss to blame.

Running his fingers through the others hair, Feldspar began humming a soft tune as he tried to comfort Kevin. It hurt to see such a kind soul hurting, at least for now he could help.

Kevin melted into Feldspar's's touch, feeling his heart clench at the sound of other's gentle hum.

It had been so long since Feldspar had touched him...

Using his free hand the thief traced Kevin's back, slow circles all varying in size. His focus on the man holding him and how he could make him feel better.

Kevin shuddered--god, Feldspar had no way to know what he was doing to him--he closed his eyes, breathing heavily as he tried to accept the gentle touches in a platonic way. Tears drifting away as new problems made themselves known.

Feldspar nuzzled into Kevin in hopes of the small bit of affection would help, assuming the heavy breathing and shudder were due to his earlier displayed emotions. Trying his best to do what he could for the distressed man.

"Feldspar..." Kevin said softly, heart in his throat. _ God _ \--being like this just made him want to declare his love all over again and ruin everything-- _ again _ .

If he'd never said anything maybe he would still have been allowed to hold the thief--

"It’s okay... I'm right here." Feldspar said softly as he continued to hold the other close to him. His heart aching for this man. 

_ He deserves to be treasured _ . He knew it with the same blind confidence he’d known everything else. An irrational fact that he  _ believed _ with every fiber of his being.

Kevin nodded, inhaling the intoxicating scent of the thief. He couldn't help but run his fingers along Feldspar's spine--cheating as his fingers danced to all of Feldspar’s favorite spots.

A delighted sigh escaped Feldspar as he leaned into Kevin's touch, closing his eyes as he leaned back to get a better feel of the other touching him. Unaware of the knowledge the giant of a man held over him, for now he couldn't bring himself to care. He wanted to lose himself in this--this moment where touches spoke more than words and he could feel Kevin’s affection rolling off in waves.

Kevin struggled.

_ God--I’m weak. _ Despite the clear memory of Feldspar’s words--the ones that had shattered his heart--he couldn’t let go of the pliant man. He couldn’t help himself.  _ So weak. _

"Sorry..." He apologized so light it could hardly be heard, trailing his fingers along the sides of Feldspar's hips in a way he knew for a fact got a rise out of the man. He just--wanted to touch Feldspar again. To feel him. Wanted to see the thief respond to him.

Before the petite male could speak he shivered in delight, his breathing becoming a touch labored as he felt his cock begin to stir.

It was hard. Trying to figure out how he should respond. Hard to speak. Hard to even consider pushing Kevin away.

Should he respect his past choice? Assume he’d been correct in rejecting Kevin? Or give his past self the bird and indulge fully.

Kevin continued to gently run his fingers along every sensitive spot, hearing Feldspar's breathing patterns shift and--

He stopped, dropping his hands at the other's sides and clenching his eyes shut. 

_ I’m a bastard. _

He couldn't do this to him--not like this.

Not when Feldspar wouldn’t even know what he was saying yes to.  _ Who _ he was saying yes to.

Without his consent a soft, displeased whimper left the thief. Hands clenching on the fabric of the sheets under them as he held back from pressing against Kevin. A part of him nagging at him for allowing the sound to slip  _ knowing _ how the other felt. Knowing that it helped no one in this situation. At the same time it was undeniable how right it felt, the feel of the other touching him openly, the feel of the man under him--just holding him. 

It only added on to his frustrating thoughts about how he had been before all of this. What was his reasoning? Did he already have his eyes on someone? Or was there something horrible about Kevin that he couldn’t remember?

All the same though, _ God it felt so good... _

Kevin's heart twisted at the sound, wanting nothing more than to return to pleasing the thief. He knew he could--but Feldspar didn't  _ know _ that Kevin already knew every one of the noirettes secret little weak spots. Didn't know that Kevin could make him scream--

The smaller man tried to calm his body down, biting into his cheek as he tried to school his expressions, no need to lead the other on more than he already had. It would be wrong to ask for more, knowing how the other felt towards him, and then asking for such a thing after he'd been rejected? It would be too much…

But his skin burned with Kevin’s touches and wanted so badly to know  _ more _ .

Kevin sighed, hugging Feldspar again. Doing everything in his power to keep his hold platonic Burying his head in the other's hair and kissing the top of his head gently. Misinterpreting Feldspar's actions as a request for comfort.

"It's okay... you'll get your memories back and everything will go back to normal."

A normal where Kevin would likely never see him again--never touch him again--it ached to think about.

"It’s not--" Fuck, he could hear the  _ want _ in his own words, Feldspar cursed himself for the lapse. "I--" Cutting himself off the thief struggled to find the right words, yet he didn't know if he even should.

"Don't worry." Kevin said. "You're safe here and you're free to leave." He nuzzled against him, the words breaking his heart but wanting to ease the thieves fears. "You'll be okay, I know it."

Feldspar clenched his jaw, cursing himself for what he wanted to do--what he was about to do.

He was being more than a bit selfish.

Softly he placed a kiss to Kevin's cheek, clutching onto him as he did so. Fearful of how the other could respond to the display of affection. Words failed him in the moment as guilt assaulted him.

Kevin's eyes met Feldspar's icy blue, questioning and full of unspoken emotions. Feeling like a monster but wanting  _ so badly _ to feel the man one last time--

Feldspar rested his head against Kevin's. Part of him wondering if it was right for him to be staying here as he was. To accept the man's kindness after he had apparently broken his heart. 

It was painful that Feldspar broke the momentary eye contact but Kevin accepted it, leaning back against the wall and awkwardly holding Feldspar against him.

It wasn't enough--but for now, it was all he had. He would gladly accept what little he was allowed.

A soft sigh left the blue eyed male, sinking against Kevin as he closed his eyes. He shouldn't spend time bringing up old wounds.

For now he planned to wait until he got better and leave.

Kevin let out a little sigh, hoping Feldspar healed quickly and regained his memory--in the same conflicted way that he hoped that Feldspar would stay pliant in his arms forever.

Slowly, he let go of the man and stood up, ignoring the displeased pout it caused. "I'm going to the creek to get some more water. We need to clean your injuries again." He explained, eyes moving down towards the spilt water from his first attempt. In his rush to Feldspar’s side he’d rendered his errand useless.

Feldspar nodded as he rolled onto his stomach, wincing at the pain it caused. Everything seemed to hurt just a bit more whenever Kevin left.

Perhaps it was just because he’d lost his distraction from it.

With the time to himself he tried to wrack his brain for something. Something to hold onto and remember even if it was just how he had met Kevin in the first place.

The hovel was barren of any valuables--there was nothing particularly personal either. A barren expression of poverty and meager living. No clues as to Kevin's relationship with him--there was, however, just one item hidden under some furs that was stuck out among the poverty.

An ornate but obviously well used dagger. It looked too small to really be of much use to Kevin. His large hands would eclypse it--but Feldspar could see the impressions in the handle of a smaller hand, stained with sweat and blood.

Carefully he picked up the small blade, examining it curiously. Just who could have used this if not the giant of a man that lived here...?

Kevin returned, happy to see that Feldspar was sitting up but startling slightly at the sight of what he was holding. He bit his lip, putting down his pale and approaching his guest.

"You can keep it if you like it." He said softly, and gently began unwrapping bandages from Feldspar's chest.

Wincing as the bandages pulled at some of the more sensitive wounds, the petite male shook his head. "No, just got curious. Where’d you get it?" It was strange but he could feel some of his pain receding. Was it Kevin’s return? He looked more carefully at the dagger.

"It was a gift." Kevin explained, tenderly slowing his movements to ensure Feldspar's comfort. "But I never needed it."

Despite himself, Feldpar’s eyes lit on the item with the interest of a bird finding a delightfully shiny item. He caught himself though, thoughts clearing up as his pain continued to fade. "I couldn’t." He tried his best to relax as Kevin helped him with the bandages, doubting it would make the action easier if he did not do so. "Whoever gave it wanted you to keep it."

Kevin shrugged, falling into silence as he worked. Nervously avoiding touching the other more than necessary to help him.

Feldspar pursed his lips as he took note of the standoffish nature. Perhaps he needed to leave, let Kevin enjoy his own home… at the same time he knew the other wanted him near. There wasn't denying the taller male had his interest, his trust. He felt drawn yet at the same time keeping his distance for the sake of not hurting the gentle giant.

It was methodical work, Kevin didn't spare a single detail or shy away from Feldspar's privacy in order to ensure the man was well patched up. Kneeling in front of him and just finishing rebandaging other's ankle when he finished the last bit--looking up at the man's face with a hand on his knee.

_ God- _ -he'd do anything for this man--and that was even more painful knowing that Feldspar didn't want that.

Or at least, Feldspar with his memory didn't want that.

The sight of Kevin knelt at his feet caused his breath to catch.

He nodded in thanks, the care this man gave him let alone the gentle nature he had.... What happened for him to not want this man?

_ I want him. _ He knew it in the bottom of his gut. He wanted the soft affectionate gaze and the sweet touches--he wanted to see what they could become--to learn more about their time together-- The thief gave Kevin's hand a soft squeeze before lessening his hold, allowing the other to move away if he so wished to.

Kevin didn't move from his spot--he couldn't. He was struck for what had to be the millionth time with how breathtaking Feldspar was.

Bedraggled, injured, sleep deprived, and yet--despite the grime and scars, there was a beauty to him that Kevin could never bring name to. Much less give justice to.

He opened his mouth to speak--to say something sensible, like encourage his guest to rest or offer him breakfast--but his words were stolen by the sight as well. Words strained with emotion and full of heartbreak--struggled but sincere, unable to be denied.

"I love you."

Feldspar felt his heart catch in his throat.

How the fuck did he deny this man in the first place...?

A disbelieving smile made its way to the noirette’s lips, he wanted to believe it at face value. It was hard not to, but how long did they even know each other? What had Kevin seen in him to be so sure?

"Why...? From the sounds of it I've just been a passing face in your life."

Kevin smiled sadly, like something in Feldspar's words were familiar. "When you wake up--you always frown just a little before you open your eyes. You don't smile much--but when you do it lights up your face and--when you get excited, you talk just a bit faster, like you can't wait to tell me more." He reached up, stroking Feldspar's cheek. "You call me stupid a lot--but only when I'm being stupid. You're honest--and impatient. You don't mince your words and you don't hesitate." His thumb traced the man's bottom lip, his final words weak and small, like this admission hurt the most. "...you make me happy."

Feldspar leaned into the others touch, closing his eyes as he tried to think clearly. Wanting nothing more than to just accept the man's confession and roll with it.

"What if I wake up and remember --I-- I don't want you to needlessly get hurt Kevin."

Kevin shook his head softly. "I won't ask for anything. I know--I know you don't feel that way about me..." He looked down, trying to hide the pain in his expression. "I just... wanted to tell you."

"That's --" Feldspar bit his tongue, frustrated with himself and his past self. He wanted to return these emotions, enjoy the sweet person who was showing him such love and compassion. Yet he didn't want to chance everything changing and just ruining this man more than he already did. "I..." A frustrated groan left him as he held his head, wishing he could just have his memories to help him with this mess.

Kevin hurriedly stood up, fussing over the man. "Are you alright? Does your head hurt?"

However Feldspar would have answered, it was interrupted by the sound of a horn. Kevin paled, looking around his hovel hurriedly. "You have to hide--it's the royal guard, they're back."

The thief felt his blood freeze upon hearing the horn, forcing himself to move despite his injuries to get to a spot he could be safe in. There had to be something --

There were no good spots to hide in the place--Kevin knew that all too well. 

With a determined frown, he headed outside to stop anyone who might want to come in and search his place. With only the tiniest pause to grab the discarded dagger.

It wouldn’t do much… but he could draw comfort from it at least.

Feldspar hid under the large furs, hoping it would be enough.

He was small enough, he could easily blend in. Without another thought he did just that. His heart pounding in his chest as he feared what could happen to him or Kevin.

It was a fast affair.

The guards had known what to expect from the giant man so they’d already prepared archers before the sound had cut the air. 

The blond watched on, expression concealing the myriad of emotions inside.

Even as they watched the giant collapse full of arrows, he didn’t dare let his expression show how he felt. Trepidation echoing through him as he stepped over the bleeding corpse and into the hovel.

His heart slammed in his chest--hoping against all hope that he’d been right.

Hoping he’d find  _ him _ .

It didn’t take long before the blond spotted the only place Feldspar could be hiding.

And the slightest tremble of breath that moved the furs.

Hope lit up his heart and he rushed over, gesturing for the guard to follow him and help Feldspar to his feet, wincing at the sight of his injuries.

Feldspar fought, struggling in a panicked daze, but he froze upon seeing the unfamiliar and concerned face.

“Hurry.” The blond spoke, voice laced with concern. “Get him to the carriage. We have to get him back to Kupa Keep to treat his injuries.”

A grunt left Feldspar as he struggled against those holding him. Fear fueling him as he did so, ignoring the pain brought on by his injuries. The daze brought upon him due to his injuries being aggravated and the adrenaline running--

Feldspar stopped. For the first time seeing Kevin’s body full of arrows.

Everything seemed to slow down and speed up--he couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think.

He was bustled into a carriage before the buzzing in his skull allowed him the faintest thought and he locked a furious gaze onto the blond who entered after them, blue eyes dancing with worry.

Feldspar couldn’t speak--couldn’t breathe--fury and loss burned inside of him as he struggled against his binds. When had they tied him up? He couldn’t even recall, heart throbbing in his ears.

"I warned you." The blond spoke, voice full of remorse and pity. A hand reaching out to stroke Feldspar’s cheek before the thief snapped at it. “I’m sorry it came to this…”

"Warned me of what?!" Feldspar demanded, eyes blazing with anger as he wish nothing more than to gut the pig who hurt Kevin. Oh god- _ -Kevin _ \--the thought alone made his throat tighten as tears pricked his eyes.

The blond looked surprised--almost hurt--at his words, but Feldspar didn’t have the patience for that. Hoping the creep brought his hand within biting distance again.

"Who the fuck are you?!" He growled, feral and angry.


	3. Chapter 3

Leo softened his expression. "You don't remember...?" He asked, his voice weighed down with concern.

Feldspar sneered at the blond before him, what was wrong with this sick fuck?! If he had the ability to he'd go for the man's good eye. "Does everyone fucking know me at this rate?" He muttered under his breath, annoyed barely scratching the surface as to how the thief felt.

Leo looked at him with pity, reaching out and touching his cheek. "You must have gotten injured, poor fella... it's okay, I'll have the healers at the castle look at you.”

There were unspoken words in the impossible sky blue eyes but Feldspar had neither the patience or fucks to give about them. "This must be so confusing... I'm sorry, we had to get you out of there. That man was dangerous."

"The fuck are you talking about?" Feldspar pulled away from the stranger's touch, not willing to do much as think that Kevin could be a danger to even a fly. "The only threat I see is the fucker who  _ killed _ an innocent man." It was hard keeping his emotions at bay, refusing to let himself break down in front of the murder before him. He repeated for emphasis, torn apart inside over the knowledge. “You  _ killed _ him.”

Leo looked hurt as he pulled away, shaking his head softly. "You don't remember... that man was a liar, he hurt you. He--he wanted to use you..." He looked away, his face shadowed with restrained emotions. "You... don't have to believe me. I tried to warn you about him--but you wouldn't listen... he was going to hurt you again.”

"What the hell do you mean? Kevin was healing me the best he could. Even offered for me to leave if I wasn't okay with him doing so." The petite male furrowed his brows at the bold claim. It was confusing and horrible and his gut was churning in nauseous pain. There  _ had _ been something Kevin wouldn’t tell him but… he glared up at Leo. "You still haven't answered me. Who. Are. You. "

"Leopold Stotch, Paladin." Leo bowed as best the coach would allow, locking eyes with Feldspar with a pained expression. "...you don't have to believe me. It's more important that you're safe now." He said, voice soft and affectionate. "And... well, when your memory returns you'll remember our relationship." He said, a touch embarrassed and scratching his nose with a tiny blush.

Feldspar gaped.

What the actual fuck.

"Let me get this straight. " Feldspar leaned back in his spot in the coach, sizing up the man known as Leopold. "You have your men ransack a town, kill a man who I have no reason to believe wouldn't want the best for me, tie me up after having said men restrain me, and pull the whole ‘ _ I warned you’ _ card while looking like a fucking sociopath. And we're in a  _ relationship _ ? How and why?" There was a biting skepticism to his words that could have dented steel.

Leo looked down, playing with his hands nervously, looking much more like a lovestruck maiden than anything else. "Well gosh, when you put it like that... it does look awfully bad." He smiled sheepishly, using magic to undo Feldspars bindings with a gesture. His shield magic bubbling up between the bonds and cutting them cleanly. There was no danger in Feldspar running--that same magic was used around the carriage to ensure a safe journey.

With his limbs free the thief rubbed the sore joints tenderly, watching Leo with suspicious eyes.

"Gosh... it'd make sense if you remembered..." He shook his head sadly. "I'm sure we can get someone to properly restore your memories at the castle. Will you let me help you...? If you still feel this way after you know everything, I promise I'll let you go wherever you please."

The final words seemed to take the win from Leo’s sails, as though the prospect of Feldspar leaving was a crushing one

As much as he wanted to spit in this man's face, when would he get another chance at this? Who knew when he would remember a damn thing about himself? He grit his teeth at the thought of this man being the only one who could do it.

It looked like he didn't have a choice though.

"I'll hold you to that." He said finally, voice cold with distrust.

Leo smiled gratefully, letting the carriage carry them to their destination. He had every intention of helping Feldspar.

And then--his smile softened sweetly as his heart soared--he'd have the man in his arms again.

The petite male sat with his knees to his chest, not thrilled by the lack of clothing he had given his injured state. At least Kevin helped while he could... To think such a sweet man was actually gone.

_ 'I should have told him I care about him.' _

It was impossible to believe the paladin’s claims about him. In just the short time they were together...

He didn’t have a single memory from before he first woke up in that tiny home--but he knew it. In his heart he could  _ feel _ the affection pulsating beneath his skin.

Kevin was someone he cared for deeply.

They arrived without incident--Leo gently laid his cloak over the injured man so that he wouldn't be exposed. Laying a guiding hand on the small of Feldspar's back as he guided him inside the castle.

Without looking at him the noirette allowed Leo to guide him, eyes in front of him to memorize just where he was being directed and how to get back out. Always best to have an escape route.

Leo led him to what looked like a medicine room, leaving him alone as he went to 'find the healer'.

The room didn't hold any clues--just medicine, a bed, and a chair.

Feldspar sat on the chair as he waited for Leo to return with this healer. His mind running through what motives this man could have by keeping him around. Given his lack of knowledge on himself or the other it wasn't much.

Leo returned with a nervous brunette who told Feldspar to lie on the bed, looking to Leo for confirmation as he waited for the other to comply.

Begrudgingly the thief laid on the bed, anxiety building up.

Leo stood nearby, looking for all the world like he would rather be at the male's side comforting him but he restrained himself for Feldspar's sake. His fingers tangled nervously as he watched.

The brunette began his work, a glowing hand touching Feldspar’s head gently, soft and soothing words of magic wrapping around him as the memory magic took hold.

It wasn't long before Feldspar was put into sleep, memories filtering into his sleeping mind as the healer did his job.

_ Rough and ruthless--with an expression of cruel disgust Kevin slapped Feldspar to the ground, his voice a snarl of disdain. _

_ "You  _ **_will_ ** _ love me." He hissed, pulling Feldspar's head up by his hair and dragging an unseen sharp object along the man's side. "And I'll just keep fucking you until you do." _

_ The giant of a man removed the other's clothes with the blade of his knife--not caring even a bit as created long gashes on the thief's body as well. The sharp pain of being entered without preparation or desire followed, Kevin grunting with effort as he did so--violent and cruel. _

_ His fingers wrapped around Feldspar's throat, squeezing so tightly that his fingers brutally bruised the flesh. _

_ "Why won't you love me?!" He cried, equal parts despair and hatred. _

The imagery presented to him filled Feldspar with fear and disbelief. No--this couldn't be the same man, there was no way this was the sweet man who took such care in handling him.

The sight left the man close to tears, throat tightening as the scene played out. He struggled to escape but it wasn’t  _ him _ experiencing it--just his past self--but he could still  _ feel it all _ \--

No wonder Kevin insisted he'd hate him.

As quickly and violently as those memories surfaced, they slowed down into a well lit room full of comfortable sheets and a gentle hand running through his hair.

_ "It's okay..." Leo's voice spoke gently, sweetly. "You're safe now, I have you--" _

The dream ended with a start. The healer looked exhausted as he backed away from the noirette. "That's... that's all I can do today." He said, voice strained and giving Feldspar sincerely apologetic look.

Feldspar hadn't realized he'd been crying until the droplets landed on his neck. Biting back sobs as he tried to get the tears to stop.

Why did Kevin put up such an act if that's what he did? His thoughts made him sick to his stomach. The mere idea...

Leo hurried over to the crying man, gently pulling him into a hug as he made small comforting noises.

"It's okay... you're okay now. I'll protect you." Leo mixed the words into his comforting noises, holding the man close and dear. Enjoying the familiar feeling of Feldspar's body against his.

Despite himself, Feldspar clung onto Leo, shaking as he tried to get those thoughts out of his head. He didn't want to think, all he knew was that he was hurt and didn't want to believe who had done it.

But they were so  _ vivid _ \--so bright and painful that they  _ had _ to be real.

Leo scooped him up, ignoring the expression on the healers face as he did so. That could be dealt with later. For now, he carried Feldspar gently back to his chambers, making comforting cooing noises as he set the man down onto the bed.

Feldspar clenched his teeth, his mind going back to the dagger he found under the rug. Was that what Kevin had used on him? Oh god he tried to pawn the damn thing off on him, what kind of sick bastard does that sort of thing?

Sitting in the bed he forced himself to not allow himself to think further on it for now. He was in an unknown place, but if those memories were true.... He was at least with someone he could trust. The uncertainty was nerve racking, but who else was there? Kevin was dead. Even if he could bring himself to even go near that hut let alone the owner of it, that wasn't an option.

If he had any family he didn't know of them, from the sounds of it he's had a solitary life. Yet here this man was, trying to comfort him, just like in his memory.

Leo smiled contentedly.

Feldspar was his.


End file.
